The One Who Pulls Us Through
by Angie63
Summary: Sam and Dean argue. Dean gets too drunk yo drive . Sam goes to get him. Dean gets sick. Sam's awesome. The boys have a heart to heart,


**The One Who Pulls Us Through**

**(**_**Inspired in part by Michael Buble's song Close Your Eyes)**_

"What was he drinking?"Sam inquired of Donny, the bartender at Dean's favorite local hangout. He'd gotten the call about twenty minutes ago that Donny felt Dean should not drive himself home and Sam had gone to get him. They 'd argued earlier, about Sam continuing to research a cure for the Mark of Cain. Dean had left saying only he was going "out". It struck Sam that he'd not encountered this Dean in quite awhile. When Dean was younger, before all these recent events, of course he'd go find a bar in whatever town were staying in, get drunk and Sam would rarely have to go get him. But lately, Dean had preferred the safety of the bunker and Sam had almost forgotten the jacket being slung on, the keys rattling in his fisted hand and the slamming of the door. He had let Dean go. He had paced and worried for two solid hours but he didn't want Dean to think he didn't trust him. Then Donny called and Sam had set out walking the short distance, worried to distraction until he'd entered the bar and seen his brother, head pillowed on his arms in the back booth.

Donny extended the keys he'd taken from Dean while Dean was playing pool earlier." Started with beer, moved on to tequila shots, played several games of pool, started on the Jack. That's when I cut him off Sam. Couple of guys he was shooting pool with got into a fist fight with him. When Dean wasn't winning, I sent the others packing. Called you to come see about him."

"Yeah. Thanks Donny. When you say he wasn't winning do you mean at pool or fighting?" It made a difference. At least to Sam. A drunk Dean was one thing. Drunk Dean mad about losing money was another . But drunk hurt Dean was the place he didn't want to go.

Donny smiled a half smile. "Dean's _never_ lost at pool. Not since I've been watching him Sam. I'd bet money on broken ribs but he insisted no doctors." That was Dean. Hell, that was Winchesters. He walked to the booth where his brother had his head down. Dean spoke but didn't raise his head.

"I'm capable of driving my own damn car. You didn't have to come Sam." Ah. A little fight left in him. That was comforting to Sam. And he recognized it was Sam standing beside him. Another win. Sam crouched down hoping to get a look at Dean.

"Not too sure about that Batman. According to Donny we need to get you back to the batcave so Alfred can fix you up." He squeezed Dean's shoulder No response. "Dean, come on buddy. It's late. Donny wants to close up and he says you need help. Work with me here okay?" His brother turned his head to face him. The green eyes were glassy. So some pain, some alcohol He touched Dean's hair briefly before standing up..Sam leaned over and gently put his arms around his brother."Come on man. I'm gonna lift you just a little, Can you stand?" Dean shook his head. He knew he couldn't and he was really glad Sam was there. He'd made the remark about driving but he was keenly aware he'd pushed even his limit for consumption and coupled with probably a few broken ribs , he'd had enough tonight. Little brother didn't lecture. He tenderly heaved him to his feet, keeping his hands on Dean's ribs to keep them from moving too much.

Sam winced when he saw the bruised cheekbone and the swollen eye that was already starting to be black. He kept his arm around Dean, feeling him lean into his side. "Okay Dean, we're going slow. How do you feel?" Dean glanced evily sideways at Sam.

"I'm fine Sam." Sam's lips twitched. Of course he's_ fine. _He carefully escorted Dean to the door. Donny watched them go and shook his head at these 'd seen them interact and sensed they shared a deeper bond than most brothers. He was pretty sure whatever Dean and Sam Winchester did for a living, it had to be hard. It was just something you sensed about they did what they had to and they did it together, almost like they had no one else. It made the bartender feel sorry for them and yet a little envious as well. He could close up now knowing Sam would get Dean safely home.

Halfway to the car Dean realized he was going to be sick. _Fucking tequila._ He recalled his father's first lectures on drinking._ Don't mix beer with the hard stuff Dean. If you start with beer, stick with it. Yeah. Thanks for that Dad_, he thought. He pulled on Sam's sleeve a little to get his attention. "Sammy", he said and Sam recognized the plea to be still immediately.

"You feeling sick?" Sam asked. A nod followed by convulsive swallowing. Dean wrapped a hand around his rib cage. Throwing up was going to hurt. Sam helped him down quickly to his knees and they barely made before he was heaving up the contents of his stomach. Sam began rubbing circles on his back and it was comforting. He whispered assurances, "_You're okay. Hey, hey, hey, it's all right_," After what seemed an eternity to Dean, there was nothing left to puke up and he leaned back into his brother, panting against the was torn between just staying put awhile and trying to make it home. In the car it was less than five minutes. It was chilly in the night air and Dean was sweating profusely now. Sam decided on home. "Y'good?", he asked. A nod to the affirmative and he put his arms under his brother'. and got them standing again. A few more steps to the Impala and they'd be home free.

Back at the bunker Sam had helped Dean down the stairs and to the bathroom. Dean seemed intent on a hot shower and Sam allowed this while he gathered some first aid supplies. He returned to find Dean leaning on the sink, his hair damp, dressed in a soft white tee shirt and plaid flannel pajama bottoms,his feet bare on the cold tile. The steam from the shower lingered and it felt stifiling to Sam but he turned Dean around to face him, pulling up a stool that sat in the corner. He eased Dean down on the stool. "Let me see the damage and wrap up those ribs. He handed Dean an ice pack for his eye which Dean took and placed on the was so quiet it worried Sam. This wasn't just _I drank too much and I wanta sleep Sam. _It was something more. Sam pulled up the shirt to reveal severe briusing. He touched the rib area and Dean hissed in pain. "How do you still have ribs to break Dean?", he teased but the anxiety in his voice was real. It seemed to Sam Dean was forever sporting broken ribs and concussions and somehow managing to keep going. Sam rubbed some analgesic salve on the hurt places and carefully wrapped his brother up. He pulled the tee back down and took the ice pack from Dean's face.

Dean was about to thank Sam but before he could , his insides lurched and he knew he was in for more being sick. He pulled himself up and and barely made it to the stall to throw up. He was on his knees again for forever it seemed. Sam was getting worried. There shouldn't be anything left to throw up. Finally his brother slumped forward, leaning a little into himself, holding his sore ribs steady. Sam placed a hand on both of his shoulders. "Want to try the bed?", he asked.

Dean did but he wasn't ready to sleep. He needed to clear things up with Sam. "No. Can we sit up awhile?"

"Sure", Sam answered simply. He stood up and offered Dean a hand. He pulled gently and Dean stopped at the sink to wash his hands and face and brush his teeth. They went out into the hall, Sam to the left of Dean in case his brother stumbled or needed anything. He let Dean go on his own power now. In the library Dean eased himself down on the sofa, sitting in the corner so he could wedge himself in. "Need anything?" Sam asked. "Water maybe?"

"Mmm, yeah that sounds good. Thanks Sam", Dean said. He rearranged his position, reaching for the squishy pillow Sam generally napped on and putting across his ribs for pressure. that was better. Sam returned with two icy cold bottles of water and Dean took several large sips before screwing the cap back on his. Sam settled himself on the floor at his brother's feet and leaned back against the sofa. Dean had placed his feet on the coffee table and Sam crossed his long legs and putting his hands behind his head, leaned back. Dean chuckled.

"You used to do that when you were little." Sam whirled around, his eyes wide, as he turned to face Dean.

"Do what?",he questioned. Dean laughed again at the expression on his thirty one year old brother's face._ Is he ever not going to look five to me? Dean thought._

"Lean back against the sofa with your hands behind your head. I guess either me and Dad or me and Bobby or me and Pastor Jim would be on the couch and you'd be on the floor, close but not on the couch with us," Dean's face took on a dreamy, fond memory sort of look that Sam always loved,. He treasured any memory of Dean's that was happy or normal or even pulled his legs up and circled them with his arms, making Dean think of that little boy with hair forever falling in his eyes, trusting him to make everything okay._I'm failing at my job Sammy._

"Dean, why did you go out tonight? I know you were mad at me but.." Dean's little half smile melted his heart.

" I wasn't mad at _you_ Sam. I was mad at _me._ It's just that you're spending night and day trying to find a cure for this..", he raised the arm with the mark on it. "And I don't really think there is a cure. Crowley said Rowena said it's just a curse but...Sammy, I'm afraid in the end, it won't matter what you do. I'll just become..."he broke off, his voice catching in his throat. _A monster that has to be killed before I kill you I won't do that Sam. NOT EVER._

"Dean, listen.." Sam also felt a sob in his throat,and his green eyes glistened a little with unshed tears, "...there has to be a way. I want to do this, It's nothing less than you would do for me. You have always found a way to save , you're the one who always pulls us 's my turn". He looked up at Dean and the tears spilled over. Dean could swear he saw Sam's bottom lip quiver and that pretty much broke his heart, still, after three decades.

Dean patted the sofa beside him. "Come here Sam." When Sam obeyed, Dean put his hand on Sam's wrist, wrapped it took the pillow he was holding and put it down in his lap. He reached up and pushed his brother's head down. "Feet up. When's the last time _you_ slept? " Sam complied. He was exhausted. Funny how you could keep going as long as you had to for the other person until they made you let closed his eyes. He wasn't going to sleep, he was just resting his eyes .Dean said softly, his hand on Sam's head. "Hey Sam? You remember when you ran way in Flagstaff?"

**August 1993 Flagstaff, AZ**

"What the_ hell _do you mean you don't_ know _where he is?" John Winchester demanded of his oldest son. Dean gulped and backed away. He'd really screwed up now. Never mind he'd been looking for his pain in the ass little brother frantically for three whole days, Dad was pissed and Dean knew he a right to be. Sam was just...gone."You better be answering me Dean."

"Dad I dropped him off at school on Wednesday morning just like always. I went back at two thirty. Just like always. I waited for him for almost half an hour . Then I went inside and his teacher said Sam never went to class all day. I started looking for him then Dad. I swear. I've looked everywhere..." John held up a hand.

The hard look in his father's eyes scared Dean and made him think of the night he'd left Sam to play video games and the shtriga had almost gotten Sam. That look that let Dean know he'd let the family down. Left Sam , his number one job unattended. "Dean, I give you one job to do. What is that son?"

Dean looked at floor rather than his dad."Look out for Sam." John was furious but something in the sad, worried, disappointed in himself way his son said it softened him up a a pulled the fourteen year old's ducked chin up so he faced him.

"That's right. This isn't the first time something's happened to him on your watch Dean. You know what I mean main responsibiity, your first priority is to make sure your brother is safe. That means putting his safety above yours Dean. That's what I do everyday for you boys. I have to trust you with Sammy Dean I can't be here all the time. You know 's ten Dean. You feed him, you make sure he's at school. If that means you walk him to class and give him to the teacher, you do it. If he needs to go somewhere after school like the library you take we clear?"

Dean looked at John with green eyes so much older than his years. John sometimes thought if this kid lives to be a hundred he'll always look at you older than he is."Yes sir. I understand"

John put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Ok. Let's find your do you know so far about where he isn't?"

Across town , Sam Winchester was having a great staycation. He'd "borrowed" Dean's emergency money earned from hustling pool, saved his lunch money and called in the reservation with one of Dad's fake credit cards, paying trough the weekend. He knew Dean was probably frantic. Figured Dad was most likely back and mad as hell. But right now, he had a nicer room than he'd ever had, the tv all to himself, a bag of junk food...Funyuns, Dr, Peppers,candy bars and cheese curls. He had a bathroom he shared with no one and best of all, he had a dog. The Golden Retriever had followed him form the mini-mart where Sam had included a bag of food for him in his grocery purchases. He'd sneaked the dog in and christened him Bones. Sam knew he'd have to go back. He'd face the punishment, the extra training Dad would Dean to make him do. But right now he had what he always wanted. A hunter free life. Sam had just called for a veggie pizza to be delivered to room 311. He was very pleased with himself for being smart enough to pull it off. He clicked on the television and turned on _Home Improvement_, a particular favorite. He settled back against the headboard and sighed a sigh of true into the show there was a knock at the door. Figuring it to be the pizza man, Sam opened the door to find his father and brother standing in front of him.

"Hello Sam", his dad said but his tone was anything but friendly. He looked at Dean who looked...awful. Like he hadn't eaten or slept since Sam had been gone.

"How did you find me?" the errant ten year old asked. His dad smiled a tight little smile. One that wasn't happy but...cruel, nice concealing weapons. Because Sam felt like he'd been stabbed when dad did that.

_How did you find me? Nice Sam, Dean thought as he watched the scene. Not , gosh I'm sorry Dean. Did I get you in trouble? Or, did you miss me? Certainly no I missed you._

"Pack your things son. I followed your paper trail Sammy. It was clever. Good research. Smarter than most ten year olds. See your brother didn't have the credit card numbers, the info. But I always have backup copies Sam. Don't try this again, hear?"

Of course, Bones was left behind. No place in our lives for a dog son. But Sam had learned a valuable lesson that he looked back on years later at Stanford. He had learned at ten what it took to live alone, something Dean had not mastered at thirty six.

**The Bunker 2015**

"See, I get it now Sammy. Why you did it." Dean paused in his retelling. Sam was staring at the ceiling, having turned over on his back to listen to his brother.

Sam said, "Why do _you _think I did it Dean?" He really did want to know what Dean thought. He'd thought about it alot since that time in Heaven.

Dean frowned. he thought he knew anyhow. "To prove you could do it on your own." Sam smiled. His big brother knew him so well.

"Yes. And I did." there was a note of pride in Sam's voice. He looked up at Dean. he saw pride in Dean's eyes but also something else. "Why are you thinking about Flagstaff?" He sat up and faced his brother.

Dean hesitated. "I was thinking sometime in the future, I don't know how long, you'd have to be without me. I think Sammy, I may not always be able to be your big brother. To take care of you.I won't be _me_ at some point.I guess I needed to know you could take care of you. I've probably known you can for a long time Sam. It's just I..."

"Can't live without me.I know. And that's okay 're a protector. You're_ my_ protector. Some of that I blame on Dad giving you too much responsibility. But most of it, it's just_ you_ man. That's what makes you Dean Winchester." Sam gripped Dean's arm and squeezed hard.

Dean tried to speak but emotion clogged his throat. He waited until he could. "I want to be like Dad Sam. Fearless, in charge. I screw up everything Sammy. He wouldn't have let us get in this mess with the any other crap we've been knee deep in. You wouldn't have had to go to Hell. lose your soul.."

Sam gripped Dean's arm harder. "Neither would you. You're too hard on yourself Dean. I get it. You were programmed to be Dad's little solider. But it was wrong for you to sacrifice your whole life for me Dean, for Dad, for Mom. And Dean, I was wrong for how I treated you after Gadreel. The whole mark, the demon you, that's my fault Dean. I said those things and you went off and ...here we are."

Dean closed his eyes. His head was starting to hurt and his ribs were sore and he felt like time was running out like sand in the hour glass and he couldn't stop it. "Sam, I did this to me, to _us_.I am going to keep going man until I can't go anymore. And when the worst happens Sam I need you to promise to walk what can make you happy. Promise. Please."

Sam stood up, releasing his grip on Dean. he ran his hands through his hair. If it was the very last thing he did he was getting his brother out of this one."_You make me happy Dean._ Being a Man of Letters makes me happy. Yes. I'd like a relationship, kids maybe, a dog. But I don't want to go back to law we do is important Dean. Maybe someday we'll stop the actual hunting, be advisers, teachers to hunters. That sounds great to me. But I want us to do it together."

Dean looked at Sam. He was 'd been going on the assumption Sam would go back to Stanford, have a family. Lock up the bunker with the key inside and never look back. "Okay Sam." _He would give anything o see the hope that was shining in his little brother's eyes every day until he couldn't see it if he wasn't him anymore. You make me happy Dean? I can't even come close Sam to what you do for me bro._

"At least say it again like you mean it", Sam said with a smile. Dean nodded, tried to smile.

With as much conviction as he could muster in his starting to be hungover state, Dean said "Okay Sam".

Sam smiled at him again. "Let's go to bed. You're going to need sleep, 'Mr. Jose on top of El Sol on top of Jack what the hell were you thinking mixing all that?"Sam asked this as they made their way to their rooms.

"Getting as drunk as I could as fast I could."

"Yeah? How'd that work out for you?" Sam asked as they paused at his own shook his head.

"Bout like I expected a broken rib or two less I guess. When we're done with this one, when _you_ pull us through, I'm getting you a puppy. Whatever kind Beans was."

Sam laughed ._"Bones_. He was a retriever . I want a beagle." Dean half grinned.

"Like Snoopy? You got it Charlie Brown. Night Sam". He started off to his own watched him go. He waited until the light was off and he heard Dean groan as he arranged his pillows to take pressure off his was glad Dean left the door open. He'd leave his open as well.

_I can be on my own. But I don't want to. We're doing this together big brother._ With that Sam turned out his own light and fell asleep.


End file.
